


Lubricate

by tygermine



Series: Dramione Drabbles [11]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gen, Hogwarts Era, Improvised Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:09:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23065273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tygermine/pseuds/tygermine
Summary: Where Marcus learns that transfiguration is far more tricky than he first thought...
Series: Dramione Drabbles [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1641019
Comments: 11
Kudos: 22
Collections: Transfiguration: 2020 Round One





	Lubricate

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [DBQ2020Round1](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/DBQ2020Round1) collection. 



> "Disclaimer: The characters do not belong to me but are the property of J.K.R. and Warner Bros. No copyright infringement is intended. The theme for this round of the competition was Transfiguration and my chosen pairing was Marcus Flint/Katie Bell.  
> Comments/Reviews are encouraged by The Slytherin Cabal's Admin Team on all stories in Death By Quill, but comments left by readers are set to be moderated by story authors until the end of the competition in order to protect participants' anonymity. Thank you to my beta for their time and help.

“Did you know that Transfiguration is found throughout Muggle history?”

Marcus Flint snorted and continued to draw phallus-shaped doodles in the margins of his parchment.

“Like, if you look here, it says that muggles believe that they will transform into pure enlightenment if they reach nirvana.”

Another snort followed by the sounds of a quill scratching more cocks onto parchment.

“That can’t be right. I need to check this with Hermione.”

Katie Bell rose from her seat across from Marcus in the library and grabbed the book she had been reading from. She looked around the room and spotted Hermione at a large table, gesturing wildly to some lower year students, possibly about the immorality of owning anything sentient. 

Marcus watched idly as Katie wove through the desks to Hermione.

What a bloody waste of his afternoon, he sulked. McGonagall had chosen to place them in pairs and she had chosen the research topic and Marcus was not amused. He didn’t give two knuts about what the muggles thought. Personally, he classed them in the same intellectual category as farm animals. Dumb, bumbling fools who couldn’t even charm some light in the dark.

No, they had to dig up the earth and then burn coal to make the electrickery. 

Stupid bipeds.

What he didn’t understand is why a pureblood like Bell had ended up in Gryffindor. Even more disturbing was her interest in the muggles.

It just wasn’t right, was it?

He continued to doodle dicks on his homework parchment to pass the time until they could go down to dinner as he imagined what it would be like to actually have someone else touch his cock. Someone hot. Someone really, really hot. Someone with boobs, of course. Someone like… Katie?

No. Stop. Right. There. Brain.

He dropped his quill causing it to leave an ugly ink splodge that made his last doodle look as if it had...completed...itself.

Marcus looked around in a slight panic, hoping no one had seen his thoughts. 

Which should be a ridiculous notion, but there had been that curse Granger had hit Malfoy with that one time and his thoughts played out like animations above his head. Lucky sod got to miss class for a week while he hid in the dungeon until the curse passed. 

So, yes, he was just being cautious with his thoughts. He looked around and saw that Katie was still chatting to Granger and realised that they were going to take an age, so he packed up his quills and parchment and made a swift exit out of the library, heading to the Slytherin dorm.

* * *

After dinner, Marcus was practicing for when he inherited his family estate, which meant he was sitting in front of the fire with the other Slytherin boys and pretending thier hot chocolate was actually aged Firewhiskey and the ropes of liquorice they chewed on were proper cigars.

As is the case when young men gather, there are really only two topics of conversation; sports and sex. 

And they’d already repeated the lamentation of the Falmouth Falcons loss to the Chudley Cannons, so next up was sex. It was Zabini that kicked things off, in his usual style.

“So, you lads wouldn’t believe what the muggles have invented.”

“Why are you even paying attention to muggle inventions?” Malfoy felt the need to ask.

“Because this one? It’s pure genius and it’s a mark against us as wizards that no one has thought to make them here.” Zabini reached into his pocket and removed a cylinder with an enlarged end. “Gentlemen, may I introduce you to what the muggles call a fleshlight.”

The general reaction from the group was to wrinkle thier noses in confusion.

“I don’t get it,” admitted Goyle.

Zabini let out a long suffering sigh. “It’s apparently a pun on something called a flashlight. Its not the point.”

“Well, I hope you’re getting to the point soon, Zabini, this is becoming boring.”

“Shut up, Draco. The point is, boys, we can safely stick our cocks in it. Apparently it is the same as a girl’s… you know…” Zabini waved vaguely in the direction of his crotch.

Now, Marcus didn’t want to show it, but he was as intrigued as the rest of the boys. The only difference is, he was not keen on sharing the fleshlight with the rest of them - which he assumed was going to happen.

He’d just make his own.

It couldn’t be that hard.

He snorted at his joke, slightly amused by himself for a moment before he began to plot.

How does one go about making a fleshlight? Obviously he could just transfigure one of his textbooks, now that he had the general shape of it in mind.

He stealthily slipped out of the common room and into his bedroom and closed the curtains around his bed. His potions textbook sat on the quilt infront of him.

Right, so. Transfiguration is pretty easy. He passed with really good marks last term, so… maybe if he just…

“Fleshlight!” He intoned with a wave of his wand.

The book remained the same shape, but instead of the cardboard cover, it turned to - Marcus touched it and cringed - human flesh.

Yeah, no. This was going to require a little more research.

Which was why, for the first time since first year, Marcus Flint was in the library after nine o’clock.

* * *

Katie was not happy. 

Marcus Flint was an unreliable wanker and if he thought he was going to get away without helping on their project, he was sorely mistaken.

She searched everywhere in the castle for him, including a rather scandalous raid of the Slytherin common room and dorms.

Nothing. He’d disappeared into thin air.

Eventually, she found a house-elf who pointed her in thedirection of the Forbidden Forest. Katie scoffed at the idea of Marcus having the guts to go in there alone but nevertheless found herself trudging towards the treeline.

The scariest thing about the forest was the silence, as if everything, including the flora, was holding its breath. It made Katie concentrate of the sound of her breathing.

In. Out. In. Out. 

After about ten minutes of wandering around, she heard a mewling sound and froze. Was it a trapped animal? Was it an animal that wanted to trap her?

The Gryffindor spirit was strong as Katie pulled out her wand, girded her loins and plunged into the undergrowth.

There were many scenarios that had played through her mind when she started her trek. However, the one scene she had never, ever accounted for was to find Marcus Flint, trousers by his ankles, leaning against a tree with a metal cylinder attached to his cock.

It looked as if he was crying.

Yes. Those were definitely tear tracks on his cheeks.

“Marcus? What the bloody hell are you doing?”

To his credit, Marcus didn’t flail. But then again, he didn’t do much of anything, really. He just stood there frozen.

Katie took a step closer. “I can see you, you idiot. What have you done?”

“Nothing,” Marcus tried to twist his body to hide the fact that he was naked from the waist down. It was a case of too little, too late.

“Nothing? Is this like a Slytherin thing? Did someone dare you to come wank in the forest? Do you have some weird tree fetish?”

These questions were A) far too personal and B) Marcus wasn’t sure what a fetish was.

“Okay, here’s an easy question. Why do you have your cock in that metal tube?”

That was not an easy question and Marcus blushed a bright red instead of answering.

Katie had begun to lose patience. “Flint, we have a report due and you’re wasting time. Pull out, pull up and let’s get going.”

“Yeah, that’s...I’m stuck,” he whispered.

“Sorry, what?”

“I’m stuck. In the…” he motioned with his head down towards his problem.

Katie rolled her eyes. “I swear, if it has a hole, a man is bound to stick his cock in it. Are you really that hard up Flint? I thought Slytherin was full of Quidditch groupies who could help you out.”

“Please, Bell, for the love of Merlin, stop talking and go away. I’m fine.”

“You’re stuck.”

“Yes and that is starting to be a far better option than listening to you talk.”

Katie bit back an insult and looked at him instead. He really did make a pathetic picture.

“You have an hour to sort this out and meet me in the library or else I’m reporting you.”

“No, come on Katie. I don’t know when I’ll be able to get this off.”

“Have you tried lube?” She threw back at him as she walked away.

Marcus was quiet until she was almost ten feet away. 

“What’s lube?”

Katie shook her head and headed back to the castle. 

* * *

She did report him, in the end, to Snape which resulted in some of the most awkward conversations Marcus had ever had to endure.

Snape, after liberating Flint’s cock from it’s prison, threw a copy of Grey’s Anatomy at him and left without looking him in the eye.

As far as anyone knows, Marcus still hasn’t been able to figure out what lube was.


End file.
